The Luminary Chronicles-Entry 2: The art and developement of confidence.
Hi Everyone! Welcome to Entry II of The Luminary Chronicles.
It's been a hot minute since I published my last entry. I couldn't brainstorm any ideas exactly for this entry, so I decided to trust the right side of my brain for once and just go with the flow, you know?
RIGHT: That's right, today's all about me! I know y'all got tired last time bc of LEFT, so I shoved her away. *Literally shoves LEFT away*
Hmmm...I'm starting to regret completely eliminating the left side of my brain for this...
OK, get yourself together.
Let's begin with the answer to my last question.
The answer : Pencil Lead
As the title says, today I'm...
RIGHT: WE!
...we ;
are going to talk about confidence.
I'm not really sure either, but let's see where this takes us.
As always, my brain doesn't know where to start, so I'll begin with a basic question:
What is confidence?
It's more about security. Think of it this way, everyone has a very unique DNA structure that determines literally everything about you.
LEFT: Actually it's more about genes...
RIGHT: SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES LEFT!
That was...harsh, but thanks, ig.
So, confidence is about accepting the flames that burn inside you. It's not about standing taller than others, it's more about accepting yourself in your bare skin and shoes, and honing your skills, like the imperfectly perfect artworks of Picasso. True confidence lies in controlling not only your mind and tongue but also in understanding that to weather a storm, you need to have a serene understanding of what you're doing and what your self-worth is.
Now to embarrass myself...,
I wanted to try out for my school's music competition, so I checked some videos of my younger self singing, to get some expert tips and gain some confidence. :D
The first time I tried karaoke was at my 5th birthday party. A few days ago, I saw my practice video of a week before that party. Back then, I thought I sounded wonderful. Turns out, it’s not confidence-boosting when you sound like a screaming cat and a noisy, broken blender.
LEFT: Spoiler alert! She got scarlett fever and couldn't go
Thanks a lot left! Really soothing my anxiety for this post.
Right...
Either way, confidence is a cloak that lies in a deep tunnel. The only way to get there? Fake it 'til you make it! BOOM!
You'll know when you're there, trust me. Till then, you can just imagine the crowd in clown makeup at your next presentation. Just PLEASE don't laugh, it gets damn awkward.
LEFT: Darling, how 'bout I suggest cutting the nonsense and getting to the damn point? HOW DO YOU DEVELOP IT?! P.S. Tell your readers to thank me, they'll get where they need to faster now...
Ok, Alright!
So how do you develop confidence?
I'll drive you through my life experiences here:
Firstly, let's start with the changes you'll notice. When I was in grade younger,
- I had the atrocious habit of swearing,
- whiling away my time on how to look like someone else,
- wondering how I make others accept me,
- pitying myself
- seeking attention
- and gossiping about people I don't give a damn about.
Now,
- I put forth my opinion clearly or coldly if I may,
- I work on how to feel better in my body
- I tell myself that I'm not alone, I'm growing
- I have a horrible relationship with attention, mainly because I do not want it
- I try to accept myself and don't really care if others can't see how wonderful I am
- I focus on my priorities
Here are some of those quotes:
"Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?" - Rory Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
"Books and cleverness! There are more important things, friendship and bravery." - Hermione Granger
"The more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." - Oprah Winfrey
"Dress like the job you want, not the job you have." - Shivangi, Kota Factory
"If you were any braver, you'd be a lioness." - Aslan
"What's life without a bit of risk?" - Sirius Black
Also, tysm to the motivation app for helping me along the way!
I was isolated when I was about 10 years old by one of my closest friends. I used to cry every day because I didn't feel 'accepted'. Pffft, nonsense. Everyday was basically like hell, not because I was isolated, but because I allowed myself to feel isolated. Why?
Because I, stupidly enough wanted to be part of the 'cool' gang. The 'I've got a STANLEY' gang. The 'Ooooh PRADA, bit cheap don't you think?'. The 'bitching about your friends and having five hundred different faces is cool' gang.
And then I was like, what the hell am I doing to myself? I've got a whole goddamn list of people who want to be friends with me!
RIGHT: And they're best friends now.
LEFT: Zat is besides zhe point mi amor. You see-
SHUT UP!!!!
Okay, phew. Breathe.
Right. And I realised, I'm not so alone anymore. Dammit I'm so quirky I'd be wearing cardigans in summer because I think they're pretty. I'll be wearing a lil black dress because I adore that dress. I'll be standing up for my friends because those are my friends. I'll be praying everyday because those are my values. I'll teach people not to freak out of algebra because I like it and I find it fun.
Yes. I, I, I, I, I. Because in this life, that's what matters. That's whose going to be making your decisions.
So go and have that cake, go and buy that piece of Harry Potter merch, go and buy that book that's a mystery and not a romance. Go and wear that dress. Go and show off your voice. Go and show off how amazing you are because YOLO!
Confidence is security, in your own body.
And tbh, I still haven't figured out what it means!
I've lost friends, I've fought with my parents, I've done a hell lot of stupid stuff, I've dreamt about having some cliche romance, I've woken up and told myself that my career is worth more, I've dreamed and hoped and fallen and risen and run and stopped and breathed and read and cooked and destroyed and cried and hurt and...(deep breath) done things I should and shouldn't have.
Because that's who I am.
Confident people don't need attention because they know they're amazing. Beautiful people don't need people to call them ravishing because they know they are. Musk doesn't need people to tell him he's rich or brilliant because he knows that he is.
Step 2:
The subtle art of not giving an f
The Last Lecture
POWER
These are life changing books.
LEFT: HOW STUPID ARE YOU! Stop revealing your secrets!
Aaah but darling I will, because that's what confidence teaches you. Appreciate and you'll acquire. Share and you'll gain.
Now to the actual step 2.
Take a paper and write down the things you love. How long did it take you to write yourself? Did you even include yourself in the list?
That's the thing. We've got to find out what to actual give a damn about because heck! Everything is not worth being concerned about in life.
People who love you, your career, your self respect, your hobbies, your body, your mind.
Find anything common here? YOU.
So here’s another mindset that helped me. I was honestly so scared of people judging me that I lost myself. So I learned to ask myself this question when I got anxious:- “Are you going to lose all your possessions?”
“No!”
“Then don’t give a damn.”
THE world doesn't revolve around you, but YOUR world does. So make it yours.
Find stuff that actually makes you want to punch Draco Malfoy in the face like Hermione did. Find something that makes you want to defeat the white witch like the Pevensies did.
Now, write that down and cherish it. Write down things you want to improve about yourself and do one small thing everyday.
If you'd have told the 5th grade me that I'd be opening my own blog, she'd have run away from you thinking you're delulu. And that brings us to:
Step 3:
Another habit I developed was writing down three things I'm grateful for and 3 things I love about myself every day. And belive it or not, it could be anything.
Even something as small as:
I picked up a little girl's book today
I didn't cry today
I controlled my anger today
Anything that you improved about yourself. And this. This is the best advice I've received.
"The more you celebrate in your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." -Oprah Winfrey
Start watching motivational videos. Start spending time with people who seek your company. Start talking about your feelings and stop feeling bad for yourself because you're not the only delicate flower going through this!
RIGHT: Well that was aggressive.
LEFT: WeLl ThAt WaS aGgReSsIvE
*rolls eyes*
Tbh I've been writing this since June. I didn't have the confidence to write this because I was scared. What if it's not what my readers want? What if it's bad?
But what if it's good?
What if it's one of your best pieces? It's always darkest before dawn.
In short,
Can you do anything about it?
Yes.
Then why worry?
No.
Then why worry?
Simple logic rly.
Cliche? Maybe. Untrue? NEVER!
So...I guess that's all for this chronicle. Pls lmk if ya'll have any requests for me on the link on my pinned post!
Special thanks to my family and my amazing best friends(unnamed). The biggest thanks to my little sister whose been the best most confident 007 role model for me even if I'll never admit it to her <3
That's all for this chronicle and I'll see you in Entry 3!
LEFT: The riddle!
RIGHT: Nooooo! She almost forgot!
LEFT: HA! Boo
Sure, here we go:
My colour suggests, but I'm not bright.
Spitting out explosions, but not in daylight.
Reversed of my twin, who steals all, leaving aught,
And hence as the opposite, I'm discovered and brought.
Okay,
Until next time,
It's pri;
signing off!
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